Qingxin Zhengzhou City, Henan Province
Regarding the “God is righteous” aspect of, I used to always have a somewhat absurd understanding. I thought that as long as someone reveals corruption in their work or commits transgressions that damage ’s work, that person shall face retribution, or lose their duty or be subjected to punishment. That is God’s righteousness. Given this incorrect understanding, plus the fear of losing my duty from committing mistakes in my work, I thought of a “clever” method: Whenever I do something wrong, I try my best to not let the leaders know first, and quickly try to make up for it myself and do my utmost to make it right. Won’t that then help me keep my duty? Hence, whenever I gave reports on my work, I would reduce big issues into small ones and small issues into nothing. If I was sometimes passive I would do my best to cover it up in front of the leaders and pretend to be very active and positive, terrified that the leaders would think I was incompetent and stop using me. So just like that, I would be very carefully guarded against the leaders in everything I did.
However, God inspects people’s hearts, and my “superb trick” could never escape God’s eyes. I discovered that the more I tried to cover things up, the more God exposed me in the light. For instance: Whenever I tried to show off my “talent” in front of leaders, I would always stuff up and make a fool of myself; whenever I tried to cover up my passive situation, “dark clouds” would always inadvertently surface on my face and be figured out by brothers and sisters; whenever I tried to cover up the perfunctory way I dealt with my job, the result would be like a mirror that revealed everything. … Time after time of embarrassment and torment of my conscience from being dishonest made me fall down, yet I did not understand from this the intentions and purpose behind why God worked in this way, nor did I understand how God saved people. I merely waited passively for the arrival of “God’s righteous”—to be dealt with by the church.